I have tried so many times to write.

Well... no that's not true, actually I have tried as hard as I possibly could for these past 4 almost 5 years to block the knowledge of this site from my mind. Only to be reminded (lovingly..of course ^_^) by my mommy that it is still here. Only recently have I been having this deep feeling of need to write or at least thinking I may now have the ability to write. However, knowing full well that looking, reading the stories and seeing the pictures would be still much to painful for my heart to bear and trying to face the fact that she could really be gone -Forever- more pain, But I knew eventually I would need to face it. Forever is much to final a word, but I have been so angry at God (and even doubting the existance of such a thing) for it to be anything except final. But... I can't really accept that either. So needless to say I have been very confused. I miss my sister more than I can seem to bear at times and I miss my girls desperatly. To say it does seem a bit cliche but there really isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her. If there was one thing that I have always been able to count on in my life, one constant, one strength, one person it had always been my sister. Not that we have always seen eye to eye on things BY FAR that was not the case!LOL

But she sat and listened to me countless times blow up and rant and rave and cry about seemingly important things at the time and she may not have agreed with me, evenstill she would listen. When most people want to give advice Christy was best at just listening, not fixing, not telling me what I did or said wrong or what I need to do now, just listening and letting me blow off steam. However, she would have great advice when I would be all done and then agitated that she has not told me how I was to fix my current mess.....and as many of you know there were MANY!!!!! XD But she was my best friend in the whole world, My sister.

Let me tell you a few things about growing up with my sister. Some of you may remember the stories of Ramona and Beezus by Judy Blume..... this was a shining example of how I felt next to MY big sister as a little girl. Christy has:

Big Beautiful Blue Eyes- Not FAIR!

Gorgeous long brown hair- Not FAIR!

Really great horseback rider- Not FAIR! (but then I did have my chickens..haahaahaa)

Small ears- Not FAIR!

Smart- NOT FAIR!

And.... the biggest boobs a little sister could ever imagine or wish to be able to have!!! on top of that, being reminded constantly that my bra's were slipping up not because the bra was to small but because I didn't even have enough boobies to hold the bra down, AND that it is silly that I even think I would need to wear one!

Psshhhht~big sisters!

Ohhh, and the Christyisms I think we all could write a book each on those. We probably should start a list on here we could start a new language! LOL

From Coppachan to Pupperbutt and From Don Don to Shuba's of course the ever loved schlofen and gofer walkin will never be forgotten! sooo, sooo, sooooooo many more,to continue would be to never get to bed. ^_^ I am certain we all had special Christyisms that will forever live on in our hearts.

Now that I have gotten going my mind is racing, flooding really of all the memories I have of her that I have pushed to that deep deep place within so that you think you wont have to feel the hurt, that place you never knew you had until everything starts bursting out.... if that makes sense.

Well I am thinking more than I can type at the moment so I will say goodnight or goodmorning rather collect my thoughts. But I will be back soon to share some of the memories that keep coming to me. Sleepovers and Wendy's Late Night, Our Thanksgivings together when we couldn't go to Momma and Daddy's. Our trips to Disneyland and just hanging out at the pool. Ice Cream Sundays and the SIMS oh how we loved to take turns sleeping/and playing SIMS on our marathon SIMS nights.

Good night Sister and Thank you,

Thank you so much for all the wonderful memories

I love you!